dreamingpixels | (no subject)

Maybe it's me being sick, maybe it's because I had a rough day which ended with a student weeping because he had 20 minutes of time out during recess, or maybe it's the depression talking, but I'm seriously wondering if I'm cut out to be a teacher.

Oh, I handled weepy kid pretty well- sure, he kept crying, but I didn't lose it, and that's the important thing, I guess.

But I'm one of the least organized people on the planet. I'm also pretty awkward around kids. I'm irresponsible. I would love nothing better than to just curl up in bed and sleep until 8, read a book all day, and have that be my day.

I had the first of four "triad" meetings, where I sit down with my supervisor and my mentor teacher and we talk about "how I'm doing", and rate things on a 0-3 scale, 0 being "needs work" and 3 being the level of a master teacher.

Well, apparently I'm a master teacher when it comes to dressing myself professionally. Other than that, I'm no better than a student fresh out of their 100 hour observation period. I've been at this for four weeks, and teaching for half the day for two. And my mentor teacher and my supervisor said I've come a long way from where I was when I started, which leads me to believe I was an absolute wreck when I came in. A well dressed wreck, but a wreck nonetheless.

I have maturity issues. I need to learn to shut up when others are talking. I need to be less "calm and soothing" when in front of the class. I need to be more of a disciplinarian. I need to plan better. I need to be more aware of what every student in the class is doing. I need to vary my lessons more. I need to do this that and the other thing. I need to be someone entirely different.

I think I just wasted a lot of money on an education that may end up getting no use at all.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Honestly, sometimes you'll cry because you're stressed about what you're doing and everything that is conveniently going badly at home simultaneously; and sometimes you'll be having a great week and your teacher will decide you need just one last go-around before the weekend so you can spend the next two days re-thinking every interaction you've ever had. I've had to come around to the idea that crying isn't a sign of weakness, because otherwise I don't think I would have come back after some of those weekends.

Those kinds of perfect storms of suck never get any easier, either.