yes you read the time right, almost four am

i don't know why this is affecting me so much. i just had a dream about my best friend justin (formerly ex boyfriend, but since we've known each other so long the ex part got dropped). i dreamed someone made a movie out of us, out of how depressed we were back when we were dating. and i'm watching this movie, watching us cuddle, and dream me is "oh god these characters are spot on! that guy really acts and sounds like justin! that girl looks like me! and that looks exactly like justin's house!" while the me in the backrground is realizing i never got over him. even though i treated him like shit. anyway, the dream goes on, and turns out i'm at my mom's, and i call justin to come see this movie, and he apparently pulls up the same time my dad walks up the driveway, and that's just before i woke up, when the dream started to lose it- apparently a dog (not mom's, one of the ones i petsit for) had gotten out the gate and dad wouldn't come in until kaya was in. anyway, i think i saw justin for a split second before i woke up.

why am i crying right now? how the hell did this affect me so much?

i think he's in NY, i know he said he was coming over mid april and leaving this weekend for iowa for the last time. i hope he comes to see me like he usually does when he leaves. i miss him. i don't know why i miss what we had- i treated him like shit, and i still feel bad for it, almost six years later. i wish i'd kept my head on straight, and treated him right, yanno? maybe that's why i'm crying.

i dunno. i just hope i get to see him. i hope he doesn't mind that i texted him at 3:30 am.

i'm gonna go back to sleep and replay that dream in my head until i fall asleep again, which may not happen, i fell asleep at 9 last night. ugh.

(no subject)

Well, there goes my Saturday. I spent an hour or so at the gym and got a good workout, then walked downtown to deposit the check my dad sent me and get something to eat. I went to The Bagelry, which is the only place in town you can get a decent bagel (rumor has it that they had water shipped up from Long Island to make their bagels with years ago, but they don't do it anymore). I waited in line for a half hour! It was a good bagel, though, and the two workers there were doing the best they could. (Apparently just about all their day staff quit for the summer, must have all been Clarkson students.) Then, I walked over to the library, feeling rather exhausted, and found out that they ARE open on Sundays, so I'll go over tomorrow and get those books for that assignment that I let slide until almost the end of the semester. Then I called my mom, and we talked while I walked home. She's not getting the little chihuahua she was thinking about - the little guy hurt himself while roughhousing with two other chis, and he dislocated something in his leg. Mom said she can't risk getting a dog that will probably hurt himself again, and end up in a lot of pain.

I mentioned to Mom while I was on the phone with her that I was in the market for a new computer. (I also mentioned the same thing to Bryan, who said "We've already got two! And three laptops!" However, one laptop is a netbook, which is really pokey. One is Snowball, and he's starting to show his age. His mouse button doesn't work quite like it used to - there may be crap under there, but I don't want to try popping the button off only to break it. Also, his hard drive can't hold everything I have for projects, music, graphics and everything. The third laptop is a dead Dell Inspiron 5100, same model that Ruthie has (which makes it about 7 years old). One desktop is 'mine' (Bryan uses it more than I do), and the other belongs to the TV (used to be Bry's main computer). I was looking at the Dell Studio Hybrid (I know, it's a Dell, but it's all I think Dad will buy me). It seems like a nice little computer, and it'll be $725 with a monitor (and $500something without one). He hasn't bought me a computer since I was 16 (and that was shared with Ruth), so maybe he'll do it... I'm not sure. I hope so.