Beth's Journal

I think I'm going to make an effort to post more. I should get my thoughts out more often, and put myself out there more often. No more hermit Bethie.

Got a lot done today. I am officially Beth Hoey, according to Social Security, the DMV, and my bank. Tomorrow, the college will recognize me as Beth Hoey, and that'll be just about all the places I need to change my name. I also opened up the boxed wedding presents we got (pots and pans, and a ton of Pyrex glassware), and cleaned up the kitchen, and started writing thank you notes. I also found out there was a living room underneath all the plastic bags, greeting cards, and flowers.

Now that we're back home, it feels like life as usual. I don't feel married. (Or maybe I've felt married for two years.) I end up surprised whenever I see my name as Beth Hoey anywhere. I have to re-learn how to sign my name! I screwed it up on one of the forms I filled out yesterday, and had to white it out and sign it again.

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I mean, I sort-of do, but I sort-of don't. I know it's going to be crazy with phone calls from people registering for fall non-credit classes, and I'm going to be so frustrated if my email's not working tomorrow. (Apparently CTS has been replacing a borked volume on the email servers, and not only are all my saved mails gone, half the time I can't even log in!) At least I can email people with the online registration email, even if it'll seem like people are getting emailed by a robot, until my mail is fixed - OH WAIT IT'S BACK. Thank god. I need my email for work!

I can't believe classes start in less than two weeks. The summer's flown by! Granted, there were some points where it felt like it was dragging (like from 2-4 pm every day), but in general, it's just shot right by. I never even got a chance to use my new tent. (I might see if I can find a relatively poop-free spot in Caroline's backyard when I petsit and set it up there, or ask Kit if I can camp out in her yard) When the school year starts, it's going to be crazy. 12 credit hours of classes, 30 hours of work at CLEAR, and 9 hours of work at the computer lab. If I'm not dead by the second week of school, or if I don't have a direct IV of coffee inserted into me, I'll be damn surprised.

Luzerne again tomorrow. YES. Two weekends out of this town? YESSS. Four day weekend? I COULD DIE OMG

So, Bryan started his new job yesterday - working as a wine seller for the Thousand Islands winery. I told him to buy me a bottle of North Country Red - he gets a 30% discount. It really makes no sense for me to go to the Potsdam Farmers Market, go to the wine booth, and give Bryan money that's technically already his, haha. Only thing that sucks about it (for both of us) is that he gets home from one farmers market at 10 pm (it's a late one that's two hours away), and then has to leave for the next one at 4:30 am! I saw him for maybe an hour last night before I fell asleep, and he left before I rolled out of bed at 6. Oh well, he can have a nice big nap when he gets home!

I had two strange dreams last night. I guess sleep deprivation does that do you. Anyway, the first dream was that apparently I'd had a baby. (For those of you who don't know me too well, I am absolutely terrified of childbirth and what it will do to my body - I already have issues with my body, I don't need more. I also don't think I'd be a very fit mother - I'm a great babysitter, but then, I don't have to be the parent and it's only for a few hours.) Bryan and I were trying to figure out how to take care of it. It had curly red hair, which could entirely happen, because Bryan's part Irish. It was a cute baby, I guess, but still. Yeeep. I commend all you mothers out there who have had children, and hope you don't hate me too much because I don't want kids of my own. (Maybe when I'm a little more stable I'll be a foster parent!) But anyway, back to the dream. Bryan actually tried to breastfeed the baby. XD I looked and him and said "No, you're doin' it wrong," and took the baby and fed her myself. That's the last part I remember.

Dream number two was infinitely less scary. Mom got me a HUGE Keurig coffee maker, a red one to match my tiny one! Apparently Bry, Ruthie, and I were all at Mom's, and Ruthie thought Mom got it for both of us. We both tore into the box and started reading the instruction manual, which was really complicated, and Ruthie's planning what coffees we'll make. I tell Bryan we can give my little Keurig to his dad, and he said "Let's not worry about that now." Then Mom comes in and tells Ruthie that the coffee maker is just for me, and she runs off crying. Oh lordy.

Wedding planning is going along well. My co-worker, Brittany, brought me some Precious Moments stuff she used for her wedding! Which is nice, since it matches our wedding invitations. If Bryan's parents were going to be up north for the weekend, I'd bring it all with me so Kathy could see. She'd love it! Brittany gave me a few helium balloons, a cake topper, a little banner, and a whole bunch of bubble stuff bottles. She also gave me a set of the napkins she used - they had cute little Precious Moments designs on them. :D I am amazed at how well this wedding is going, and how little we're having to spend on it. So far, all Bryan and I have spent on it is $90 for my dress. The ceremony site is free, I think the Mayor will marry us for free, Bry's parents are paying for the reception, we're getting inexpensive rings with the promise that someday we'll upgrade them, and Bryan's wearing his suit for the wedding. And getting him to wear a purple shirt and tie to match the wedding color will be no problem at all, because he has a million purple shirts and at least three purple ties. XD I think that's why we picked it. In fact, when I was suggesting wedding colors to him, I even said "Purple like your shirts!" XD I think this weekend will be spent cranking out wedding ideas and stuff. I'm half tempted to bring my printer with me so I can actually get some stuff printed out. We'll see.

Anyhow, I should get on with my morning internet browsing, since I have to get ready for work eventually. I'll see if I can bring my laptop and leech wireless from someplace, otherwise I'll try and post on my phone. :D

I've just been so energyless this week. The only thing that's keeping me going is copious amounts of coffee. Mmm, coffee.

At least I have a break before Web Development tonight, hopefully. (Knowing my luck, Brenda won't get home until closer to five, and I'll only have an hour and a half until class to just sit and be mindless) I have so much stuff that needs doing around the apartment, but the past few mornings I've been downright braindead. I haven't really wanted to do much of anything. The living room is a wreck, the kitchen is a wreck, there's a giant nasty dirty fish tank in the middle of my bathroom... yeah. I need a day to sleep in, take a nap, and just relax. Part of me is really hoping Brenda will call in a few minutes saying "oh, there's an opening at daycare for the afternoon! we don't need you today!" Oh, that'd be lovely. It'd be hell on my paycheck, but I've just been so dead lately.

In other news, I'm going to do some reading up on Buddhism. I've always been fascinated by different religions, and deep down inside there's a part of me that hopes I find one that fits me someday. I bought two books on Buddhism off Amazon as an early birthday present to myself (9 days until my birthday! O_o), and hopefully I'll find them interesting.

*zones out for a few moments, then snaps back to attention* Oh geez. I need more coffee. I think I'll finish this entry up before I start gibbering nonsensically.

Ugh. Work in three or so hours. Not ready for this.

I'm back home from Long Island (somewhat obviously, if I'm complaining about work, haha). We left at 1 am Sunday morning, got home at 9 am. Managed to beat all the traffic. Bryan said he wanted to leave that early so he'd have a day to recover at home and get stuff done - all he did was sleep, haha. I wanted to, since I didn't manage to sleep much in the car, but I think I'd hit my second third fourth wind, and I didn't actually fall asleep until bedtime. I'm still ridiculously tired. Maybe a shower will wake me up- breakfast and coffee sure didn't, and it's a little too cold out to go take a walk.

Finally got around to installing Semagic on this computer. Let's see if it'll break my habit of always going to the web to post! Plus, I won't have to go look up what I'm actually listening to - I can just hit a button. In my half-awake state, this pleases me muchly. *pushes button* Ooo, I am listening to Parov Stelar. Awesome.

Anyway. Babysitting. Yeah. I bought Tyler a little coloring book with dinosaur stickers in it while I was gone, hopefully he likes it. Hopefully it'll keep him occupied. :D Worst comes to worst, we watch movies and play with cars all day. I should pack my construction paper and a glue stick, maybe we'll make some construction paper stuff today. I dunno. The day is full of possibilities.

Guh. I have to go close my HSBC account sometime today, too. Not sure if I want to do that before or after work. If I could close it online, that'd be nice. I've been feeling really...hm, not sure how to describe it. It's like all the neuroses I have that I hate are coming to the surface, like the social anxiety, the OCDness, stuff like that. No depression or anything, which is weird. Usually depression is the cause of all this crap. It's very strange not wanting to deal with people and being in a perfectly happy mood.

Oh well! Never said I was normal, did I?