(no subject)

[dreamingpixels]

Maybe it's me being sick, maybe it's because I had a rough day which ended with a student weeping because he had 20 minutes of time out during recess, or maybe it's the depression talking, but I'm seriously wondering if I'm cut out to be a teacher.

Oh, I handled weepy kid pretty well- sure, he kept crying, but I didn't lose it, and that's the important thing, I guess.

But I'm one of the least organized people on the planet. I'm also pretty awkward around kids. I'm irresponsible. I would love nothing better than to just curl up in bed and sleep until 8, read a book all day, and have that be my day.

I had the first of four "triad" meetings, where I sit down with my supervisor and my mentor teacher and we talk about "how I'm doing", and rate things on a 0-3 scale, 0 being "needs work" and 3 being the level of a master teacher.

Well, apparently I'm a master teacher when it comes to dressing myself professionally. Other than that, I'm no better than a student fresh out of their 100 hour observation period. I've been at this for four weeks, and teaching for half the day for two. And my mentor teacher and my supervisor said I've come a long way from where I was when I started, which leads me to believe I was an absolute wreck when I came in. A well dressed wreck, but a wreck nonetheless.

I have maturity issues. I need to learn to shut up when others are talking. I need to be less "calm and soothing" when in front of the class. I need to be more of a disciplinarian. I need to plan better. I need to be more aware of what every student in the class is doing. I need to vary my lessons more. I need to do this that and the other thing. I need to be someone entirely different.

I think I just wasted a lot of money on an education that may end up getting no use at all.

Comments

[dreamingpixels]

I know that my mentor teacher is also a master teacher, but after today's experience with my triad, I'm not quite sure I want to go to her with my worries- I think she might take them the wrong way. I don't think there's an IF at the school district I'm at now, but there might be one at my next placement. I also have a new teacher to work with, as well as a new supervisor, so my next placement might go a little more smoothly. (My new supervisor was my professor for Science: Content and Methods, and I know her pretty well, and she likes me, I think. I didn't meet my current supervisor until our student teaching orientation. o_O)

[tehkittykat]

That is rough. If I were in your shoes I might try your mentor anyway-- just say you were reflecting on the triad meeting and you'd like some practical advice for putting all these suggestions into action, since sometimes it does take a concrete thing or three to try before one gets the hang of all that multitasking. I wish you luck-- the first long while is a rough patch.